Communication is not only speaking. Often the most important part begins when we stop preparing our answer and start listening. Active listening means being present in a respectful and attentive way, making the other person feel seen and understood.
To listen actively is to give space, avoid constant interruptions, ask useful questions and reformulate what we have understood. A simple sentence such as “if I understand correctly, you felt excluded” can change the tone of a conversation. It does not solve everything, but it shows attention.
In everyday relationships we often generalise. A person says “you never listen to me” and perhaps means “in this period I feel unheard”. A student says “I am incapable” and perhaps is speaking about one bad test, not about their whole identity. Recognising generalisations helps us bring the problem back to something concrete.
This is also one of the themes often connected with NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP should be used with balance: it is not magic and not all its claims have strong scientific support. However, some linguistic tools can help us ask better questions and improve empathy.
When someone says “everyone criticises me”, a useful question may be: “Who exactly?”. If someone says “I never succeed”, we can ask: “Never in every situation, or in this specific one?”. These questions are not meant to attack, but to clarify.
Understanding others does not mean always agreeing. It means taking the time to look at the world for a moment through their eyes. From there, even disagreement can become more human.